Sunday, May 29, 2011

Bollywood Ishtyle

After living in a country which has strived for almost two decades for something "cool", I have realized the true imitation potential of its citizens. Some choose to go public and some practice covertly. It isn’t easy to implant hypothetical genes of your favorite chocolaty actor or curvy actress inside your chromosomes. It requires a lot of practice, dedication and hard work but after you have successfully copied and created an identical ABC actor or a clone within yourself, now comes the time to flaunt your blatant act publicly. (But if implantation jeopardizes  the end results can hang you between bizarre and WTF is this? I'm not accusing Rohit Bal in any case here.) Assuming that majority have successfully completed the positioning of "alien" genes into their cells, it is now time for spectators to witness this turmoil (the exact word, though less brutal). The copycats always prejudice their AoI (Act of Imitation) as an unmatched manoeuvre, this momentarily happiness and modesty doesn't allow the "normal's" to break the jinx.

I never knew Chopra Uncle; my neighbor, was such an obsessive imitator of "Vijay Deenanath Chauhan." He would always croon his Father, Mother and Village name and his exact “age.” Apparently his DOB is his Facebook login password. I once saw him in a chat with Shobha aunty; Durgesh uncle's wife. But that is an off topic discussion. Chopra uncle has successfully managed to turn his family to a new and most widely practiced religion in India; bollywood. His wife had lately emerged as a strong Madhuri Dixit worshiper. She always seems to crave for a perfect day and every year selects holi to be the D-day for display of her AoI. Chopra aunty is found draped in a green Saree. When the maximum crowd is ogling her she start dancing on “Hum pe ye kisne hara rang dala.” Saree in his daughter’s wardrobe dictionary is an obsolete. According to her virtues; "draping self in a saree is so-not-like-Katrina" (Said in a fake UK accent). 


Patel uncle’s family minus his wife is yet another case smitten by Bollywood-o-philia. He chooses to go dramatic to notch superlative degree of suspense. Uttering with a pause after a prolong silence is his way to tribute bollywood. Though Patel aunty is always seen unhappy with his this sweet gesture but can’t help; a man is a man. His son idolizes Ranbir Kapoor. He even got a Docomo connection after watching Ranbir’s hilarious comic stand up.

Proposing a girl with an elegant touch of Shahrukh Khan's open arm pose; just to reduce the nodes of denial down to minimum is done by abundant of bolly-aspiring aspirant. Proposal becomes interesting if the girl herself turns out to be an aspirant. Quickly understanding the stammering; Ru..Ru..Ru..Ruchi, girl makes her move. A soft denial with the fragrance of Amisha Patel (Amisha Patel is Ashit Patel's sister. And Ashmit Patel was related to Riya Sen. Riya Sen is......err you might have figured the odd face out); boy’s compelling words anagram to Hrithik's and finally girl’s yes like Manissha Lamba's "no".

Surprisingly Chander Uncle’s son isn’t trying to reproduce Abhishek Bachchan or am unable to decipher his out-of-the-box behavior, eh! Being Mallika Sherawat isn’t an easy task too hence no one is up for it. It requires astuteness and different/unique handkerchief apparels in wardrobe. No one is that rich.

Sunny Deol’s mass appeal to his imitators is so adhesive that they ended up installed a hand pump in their veranda. Imitator everyday with a ray of hope and sheer blessings from Dharmendra's 8X10 picture hanging above the study table gives a try to rip it out; failure has never been his reason to be afraid (spirit of a champion). Bobby’s fan keep himself away from everything; he is always seen preoccupied, adoring Bobby’s last "single" hit movie, Soldier; hence he choose to rest like always for eternity.

The subject of contend has now drifted to Nana Patekar. Why no boy or girl or even et cetera wants to adapt him? Is his dialogue taken too literally by the citizens? I can understand Nirupa Roy but Nana isn’t dada yet (yes Dada is a pun here.)

Height of Devotion
We visit PVR's, Fun Cinema's, Big Cinema's (Big Cinema is the name of the theater, not to be mistaken for big-cinema) to catch latest flicks by Ram Gopal Verma Mahesh Bhatt and often Karan Johar. To cut ourselves from the materialistic world of goners and dabble into the unrealistic (much more unrealistic in Karan Johar movie) world but have deplorably flunked to realize the devotion and religiousness hidden behind the force which polarized our body and attracted us to the theater...........This is power concealed within the India's religion Bollywood.

17 comments:

  1. LOL, well there are some things that come with statuary warning. It just might be the case with Nana Patekar, kyunki ek macchar... rest is better not said (without hands :P)

    Nice read.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  2. wonderful post... interesting blog..glad to have stopped by..

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  3. Haha man that was another phunnay one. How come you missed out on Salman Khan? Also our doe-eyed beauty Aishwarya Rai. There's way too much material on them to be parodied. :P

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  4. ANd you have this art of putting a smile on the reader who reads the article ...

    and chopra uncle is hilarious ..

    Nice one I am sure you can write a prt 2 and a 3 or 4 with so many funnyc characters we are surrounded with ..

    Bikram's

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  5. Thankfully, I don't watch many bollywood cinemas so imitating isn't a possibility.

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  6. Well said. Through the blogpost, you have shown the reality, this is what happens, haha, imitation of people whose stardom is in some manner dependent on us only.

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  7. Ur funny...and it comes naturally to you..like it or not :P

    Loved reading!

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  8. LOLzzz...good one! Imitating comes naturally to us and is undoubtly one of our fav past times too :P
    and me thinks u shud write a part 2 too...where u shud include rakhi sawant, uday chopra, tushaar kapoor and d likes :D

    Sarah

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  9. Anshul Now jantar mantar is occupied with the machhar battalion protesting against this defaming dialogue.

    Lines n Shades Thank you. :)

    Sammy Oh yes I can do this forever and on anyone relentlessly.

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  10. Bikramjit Thanks.

    Nethra Animes!! Tch-tch.....

    Animesh Ahan!! Thanks.

    Red Handed Thanks, though most of the times "You're funny" comes as a sarcasm to me.

    Subtlescribbler Long time!! Now when you have given me an idea, I think I'll work upon it. :)

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  11. Prateek, you write so well :)) Impressed :)

    RESTLESS

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  12. hahaaa..enjoyed it really....:D

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  13. You are a very funny guy.. will defo be returning... dekhna hai tere mai aur kitna dam hai :P

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  14. mast mast post...hum pe ye kisne hara rang dala!! Lol at "no one is that rich"
    I am a Bollywood dance and song follower too!!

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  15. really like your blog and just saved for further new styles.

    Indian Movies

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