Sunday, May 08, 2011

Open Letter to a Classmate

Dear classmate,

How are you? I hope you are “doing” fine. I am writing this letter to convey my sincere regards to you. I find these days of summers as the most promising time to pen my mind down to you perhaps because it will satisfy my itch to thank you for everything. It gives me immense pleasure to write to you. Please bear with me.

You can make me go to sleep, anytime!
It has been a long time, precisely few months less in a couple of year that I’m watching your face everyday just for the sake of attendance. It wasn’t long that you suddenly drift away from me and started your own “Anti-Me Campaign”; it was really heartening to see how hard you tried to expand your “jihadi” group which started from two and ended up with only one; you.

I want to clear my doubts with you in this post. I like the way you every time try to flaunt how cool you are against me. It makes me believe that “I’m also cool”. Blasting a bomb in college campus is not a heroic act rather I call it "kiddish." I had stopped doing this since I was in 8th standard, now it is boring. You call yourself a “beer frenetic” but you always avoid visiting a bar, even the one with the cheapest rates. You promised to throw a big lavish birthday party for your “friends” but were absent for straight 7 days from the date of your birthday (excluding Sunday). On the 8th day you gave your birthday treat as a “free” Corneto to everyone, of course except me.

You were mad at me for months after this peppy conversation—

You – My Dad will buy a big car which cannot be reverse on the road after he retires. His pension will be huge.
Your Friend – Oh my god! Really!
Meपापा को बोलियों ट्रेन ले लें | वो ही reverse नहीं हो सकती बस | [English Translation – Ask your Dad to get a train. It is the only thing which cannot be reverse on road]

It has been a year yet I cherish this out of the blues answer.

Your attire and how peculiarly you get them on your body is one of the many things I adore about you. T-shirt tucked into you formal pant with hawai chappal in feets. I must say I cannot win against you when it comes to fashion. I am pretty sure you will look sexy in T-shirt + Bow + Lower too.

Your group discussion on topics like this [Link] has always made you a centre of attraction. Girls may not tell you but they are planning to complaint the college administration for such indecent cute discussions. You call yourself a great motorcyclist but I can see dozen of dents on your "Rajdoot." This isn’t fair “classmate”. Yesterday I by mistake stumble upon a text which you sent to our common friend—“it wS relli kEwL [Human Translation It was really cool].” No-no I wasn't prying into his inbox; his cell phone unfortunately happened to be with me when you text'ed him.

You go by bus and I prefer metro yet you claim to see me sitting on a stop alone with face like yours (Indecent types). I think I am always in your mind because of some “personal” reasons. Please don’t get me wrong I am not putting any allegation on you for being a “gay.” Why would I comment on your “unknown” orientation?

I've also heard that with a fake account you send requests to "HawtDelhi University girls. You are so lucky that you got a way to vent out your desperation. But my soul doesn't allow me to do such a thing, people consider doing this as an "Orkut Stuff."

Lately I’ve been receiving number of hate Emails and private messages on facebook which includes various and vibrant abuses despising my writing. The style of indecent slang is exactly like yours; I mean who else writes like a “drunk-sick vegetable vendor?” I want to let you know, I love your despise.

Your indirect rants in public are something I have been ignoring from the very beginning. You might find me low on intelligence that I am unable to decipher you but trust me every time the class laugh all together, I make you the subject of their half an hour happiness. You must understand Delhi is also a Murder Capital along with Rape (All hail our Sheila Dikshit)

Please align yourself as a human; my sincere request.


| P.S No human, animal, et cetera was hurt while writing this post.


  1. Hehehe.. no human was hurt 'while' writing this but would be after 'reading' this :P
    My sincere sympathy with the fellow being talked about.

  2. your poor classmate would realize today that the pen is mightier than the bomb...err sword.

    hai hai to the cornetto giving classmate!!

  3. ROFL seems like you have someone somewhere you hate a lot. :P *drunk-sick vegetable vendor* Hahaha
    Also thanks for linking my post. :)

  4. whoaa!! God save your classmate....if writes could kill, the award will be all yours :)

  5. I got few such admirers too. They spread hatred on facebook wall but it cannot be helped, right? I hope that guy/gal who's bothering you will start minding their own businesses and leave you alone after reading this post.

  6. The only way to know that you are good at something is when you have a few haters.

  7. Brother. Awesome!

    And the killer line in whole post was in the last - "Please align yourself as a human; my sincere request."

    (I want to post this post on my blog. Will give a back-link to here so that all credit goes to you only. It is the sheer quality of this post that is making me post this post on my blog too.)

    Let me know.

  8. Hilarious..You should have put this post link in your classmate's fb message box..

    p.s- Hope the header thing worked!

  9. Deepika Sympathy cannot save any dying man.

    Anita Ma'am Haha! Bomb err Sword.

    Sammy Everyone has their own haters and the one they hate.

    Animesh Thanks. :)

  10. Nethra I hope they hear you.

    Prateek How true. :)

    Dhakkanz Thanks a lot.

    Upasna LOL. You wanted to read the vibrant abuses.
    P.S Yes it did worked out. Thanks a lot

  11. Prateek strikes back! Hope you tagged your object of affection.

  12. :) beleive me I got a few of those too, I use to think something wrong with me But i realised its not me ..

    I made friends with someone on Facebook, This person had the person i am talking in there friend list , next thing Is I am out of friend list, What does that make me .. about the both of them ..

    Such things happen, I would not ask to ignore, Good you posted I would have posted the name and picture too which i am going to put on my post shortly of all those people that i have known in my little life :)

    there is a good saying in punjabi ..
    dosti karo to Jam ke karo
    Dushmany karo to Woh bhi Jam ke karo
    Magar yaar itna rahe ki fir agar dost bano
    to SHARAMINDAGI na ho ....

    Good one ..


  13. Kamal kar diya!
    Great read!

  14. hehehe let me call human right commission :PD:

  15. Whoa it felt like just witnessed a volcanic explosion...

    Settle it man i really would not want to read about you in Times of India headlines..

    Almost forgot, Great way to express the feelings too.

  16. OHHH....Bang On!

    well,well the post is relli kEwL...

  17. hahaha...awesome work man...kudos!!

  18. i dont knw whom u hv referred here bt really hope he reads ir n do share his valuable comments, ultralol stuff dude n literally dunno wich line i shud say is my fav bt yeahhh the way u ended crowns d wrk..kudos dude, rocking

  19. Purba Ma'am Haha! "Object of affection", perhaps we can call him "subject of affection"

    Bikram We call it KDPL here. But yes, this is indeed WTF. :P

    Shiv Sir दन्यवाद सर | सब सांगत का असर है |

    Geeta Please make it Animals Right. :)

  20. Perception LOL That was just a metaphor; nothing to worry.

    Beyond Horizon I am cripple without the Human Translation. Thanks.

    Adi Thanks. I know, you know whom I am referring here. :D

    Vineet After ranting out I feel light, more like 6-7 kilos.

  21. Someone has messed with a Leo? I say give him a royal ignore.

  22. Hush now lad, he's throwing tantrums like Section 499 and 500 too, if I am getting it right. :)

    May he revel in his fort and his world where he's not answerable :P

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  23. Okay got it....pen is mightier than the sword. Nobody should mess with s writer :-)

  24. hahaaa....enjoyed it... :)

    nice write up... and btw tanks for stopping by at my space...hope to see you more often now...
    and its a nice space of urs following it now..:))

  25. I really enjoyed this post right from the first sentence itself. Super Likes :-)


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