Friday, June 17, 2011

From The Diary of a Bullied Husband

17th June
Dear diary,

Today I am celebrating 2 years of my marital status. For days, I have been conglomerating my thoughts in you. Most of them being rants and ordeals, but from tomorrow everything will change; I will rebuke, and will fly out of her dark and snobbish aura, which had been excruciating me and even my solace for years. Therefore, I will jot a synopsis of my journey from where it all started for the very last time. I am thankful to you for being a mute spectator and listening to me as a friend with a deep sympathy.


Anecdote 

I was an astute man before I got married, I lost all my sharpness; rusted and ditched, “queen of astuteness” bestowed over me. I remember she asked me, “Can you cook?” in our first meeting, what I never knew was; my answer will be taken too literally.


Deceptive

It was a fugitive delight when I got married. Did you notice the word “fugitive?” Soon we moved into our new home that I bought. In addition, that was the time when se unearthed her real self. She was not a zombie but something much more horrific than a zombie is—a sweet talker, aka manipulator (Said in a slow trembling tone) *Heavy Sigh*.


Cliché 


Making me clean the untidy dishes after working for nine straight hours is the most generous act according to her morals. She soon demanded to relinquish my control on the capital expenditure, a full share in my salary. I thought it was a good thing but sending me office with just Rs 200 as a pocket money; what in the world does that means?
I am always treated like I am a Congressmen even though I cast my vote on the name of Behen Mayawati.
Emancipation Seized

Soon she learned how to drive my car; I was force to commute via cycle to my office. She uses car for her own purpose now—parlours visit, stalking Sheila’s (Resident in the adjacent block) place, discovering new malls with 40-60% off hoarding, spa, bakery, etc.


Last Ditch of Effort


Infidelity, rather a failed infidelity was the outcome of her such impulsive acts on me. My beloved Sheila dropped me after knowing “I” am a husband to Mohini. Even Kanta bai refused me. Moreover, when I thought things could not go worse from this, God took it as a challenge. Sheila and Kanta bai told Mohini how desperately I urged them (a typical women trait). Now along with dishes I had to clean the floor with Hussain Harpic.


Antipathy

Life was throwing tantrums at me. I could not even start an affair with my secretary knowing what happened with me last time. With Rs 200 in pocket and a packed Tiffin box what could I had accomplish? I tried to explain my critical living to my mom but could not; a guilt of getting “oppress” by own wife takes over me every time. The more I try to endure, the more diabolic she becomes. It was not much time ago when I planned to revive and polish my intellectuality. Using sharpness against sharpness seemed to be the only ticket out of here.


Cagey

With all the planned captive skills in my sleeves, I will attack her tomorrow and shall let you know how I prevailed. Till then—good night.

Rohan.....

18th June

Dear diary,


I am seeking for a lawyer. Mohini, physically assaulted me last night and is planning to sue me. All my plans went in vain. Please pray for me...........

Rohan.....

24 comments:

  1. Wow!
    Such insight into matrimonial dark alleys. Well prepared is half done.
    Enjoyed reading it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good one !!
    you summed it all so nicely.

    ReplyDelete
  3. lol. if he cooks n cleans fr 9 hrs n den wrks at an office fr nder 8 hrs, dat mks it 17- hw in d wrld does he find time to maintain a diary????

    i reckon he sue his wife fr contravention of labor laws :o

    ReplyDelete
  4. Whoa scary, very scary...had me more scared than haunted and ragini together..

    ReplyDelete
  5. he he he he :) I am thinking now what to do do i need to take coaching classes :) he he hee nice one

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ouch! The poor soul.... cant even fight back..and the women!! do really women like these exist!!

    Brrrr..SHUDDERS!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Alka Ma’am It was all possible due to regular highlights of Ekta Kapoor’s soaps. Eh!!
    Jyoti Thanks. Next time I’ll try to multiply it.
    Sadiya Here husband is an engineer. I think this might have eased your complication. :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. Perception Truth is stranger than fiction.

    Bikram This is something which has to be faced alone; no coaching works.

    Red Handed Who knows.

    ReplyDelete
  9. :D Bechara... Rohan.


    ROFL, amazing post.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
  10. Bechara Rohan :( Btw, it was quite humorous, like always. :D

    ReplyDelete
  11. Funny as it was. But such women do exist (a lot) in today's society. GUess there is too much of empowerment to the women these days. All the courts, mahila mandals and various other organizations act in favour of woman without giving a second thought to the credibility of their blame on the man! And there is more yet to come.

    Anyways thoughts and views apart, the post was hilarious. Liked it :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. ROFL even Kanta bai refused Rohan. How very sad...maybe you should read my latest post which deals with a theme completely opposite to the one in this post! *sigh*
    And yes this is terribly funny like always.

    ReplyDelete
  13. hahaah!

    thats really creative and interesting as well!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Cleaning the floor with Harpic...now that was novel!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Haha:D
    All the while we read about wife-woes, too much so I think now... This is refreshing:)

    Thanks for visiting!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thank you all.

    Priyanka Tch tch!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Great post... and really insightful. I hope no one has to exist in such bonded labour....

    ReplyDelete
  18. hahaaaa...that was so hilarious....
    enjoyed it through out !!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Wondering whether my husband is writing something like the clandestinely?? Have to check it out.

    This note of yours has very successfully raised all the suspicions about my hubby plotting against me behind my back. In other words, the write up feels real and its stomach-achingly hilarious!

    Good job Prateek. Looking forward to the next entry already.
    what would be really funny - is when you write an entry from the wife's diary that Rohan would find sometime accidently. It would essay how she would like to make his life more miserable!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wondering whether my husband is writing something like this clandestinely?? Have to check it out.

    This note of yours has very successfully raised all the suspicions about my hubby plotting against me behind my back. In other words, the write up feels real and its stomach-achingly hilarious!

    Good job Prateek. Looking forward to the next entry already.
    what would be really funny - is when you write an entry from the wife's diary that Rohan would find sometime accidently. It would essay how she would like to make his life more miserable!

    ReplyDelete
  21. awwww...thoda zyaada nahi ho gaya?
    aisa bhi hota hain kya actually!
    phew!:-)
    poor guy though!

    ReplyDelete
  22. This is such a mild post. Nothing compared to the reality........:D

    ReplyDelete

Come on! Let us comment.