It has been 10 days since the New Year has arrived. It is 2012 and like a regular activity everyone has started framing their own New Year resolutions to make their life better. When I say everyone, it includes actors, politicians and various other inhuman kinds (Yes, yes the KRK types). With Jingle Bells still stuck into my head I have formulated a resolution list occupation wise which has enough potential to rescue India and more importantly Mankind.
Abhishek Bachchan – He is an
impotent important man with
potential, only potential or is it just the last name notching un-requisite
weigh to the first name. Judging by the year 2011 and those which went by like
a yawn in context of his career/acting, Bachchan must seriously consider
learning the art of choosing. Script
that sucks cannot earn.
Aamir Khan – You just need Complan shake to increase your height and then you won’t have to swallow the imminent camouflaged joke by Shahrukh. I am your big fan, hoping someday someone will turn out to be your big cooler.
Shahrukh Khan – Juxtaposition, Aamir listed above is the reason. There are so many people who want to make their unanimous honest confession. I gave them this blog post as a medium to express their heartfelt thoughts. I cannot type whatever they said, since I am in a public domain but the people who witnessed the phenomenon of Rs 132 Crores which you named as Ra.One are feeling uneasy to let you go after being subjected to a 4th dimensional mental asylum that you created. Filing a lawsuit was most appealing them as a perfect buster and then Don2 happened. New thoughts are in process, will update you.
You must take a resolution to make movies which is little above the line of nonsense. If people can appreciate Golmaal then they will definitely look forward to yours.
Kareena Kapoor – Even size “zero” didn’t help. If she were a blonde, she would have thought to go size “minus one”. Who am I to suggest but her most likely new year resolution should be to marry and get settled.
Preity Zinta – I caught you reader. Your expression says, “Oh! Dear lord. This name just ringed a bell in my head. Quick, let me google her.” But her resolution should be; resolute her personal life as Bollywood has long forgotten her as an actress.
This section can be done as a separate blog post or an essay but going by the trend I veraciously need to pick 6 champions and boil down their potential resolution.
Laloo Prasad Yadav – Without any doubt “King of Fodder” would have made to this list. And, he is here. Welcome him with cow or dung, whatever suits his image for you. His resolution can eat the entire post, that’s a flaw but I tried to cluster everything and form a best resolution. His resolution this year should be to deliver a grand lecture at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Boston on how technology didn’t help halting the train accidents during his period as the Railway Minister. It was just idea that did. He raised the bar for the people applying for the post of Train Driver in Indian Railways. He went to set up a minimum criterion for train drivers, a proper vision. That was how train accidents were reduced.
Manmohan Singh – He is a man of honour, ethics, culture and silence. I think I got a little distract from the point. His resolution this year should be; “ “. There you go. Short, simple and ecstatic.
Suresh Kalmadi – Everything was going great, until CBI started CWG investigation. Long essays have already been written; oozing feeling and sometimes
some many bitter words (If you know what I mean).
Acting like a sudden dementia ridden chap too didn’t tripped the luck in his
favor; his this year resolution should be to focus on his acting skills and
make a comeback later with Alzheimer in his sleeves.
Sonu Nigam – Long forgotten veteran singer whose last phenomenal work was the song Kal Ho Na Ho in the movie “Kal Ho Na Ho” that came in early 2000’s. He made a Pre 2012 Resolution; passed his legacy to his child. Nevaan Nigam sang his debut song Why this Kolaveri Di? Gleaming eyes of the father couldn’t hold back as the world Awed Kolaveri Di and Aww at the cutie.
Bappi Lahiri “The Da” – Get some songs and dig in gold. Sorry, but I find no change in his resolution; been same since the year 2000. More strive is needed to attain the goal, else nirvana.
Anu Malik – His search for Indian Idol made him popular after slyly copying musical notes from various genre and country artiste. What my not so astute mind cannot comprehend is; why was Anu Malik searching for India Idol when he is supposed to be the greatest Indian Idle? His potential New Year “Resolution” is “tangled” between originality and plagiarism. I am sure he has lifted his New Year Resolution from somewhere.
Lata Mangeshkarji – Dear reader don’t expect me to write any crypt rant on her, because there isn't any. She is respected by everyone.
Rakhi Sawant – I can see a smiling face as you read the name. Rakhi is a perfect “skin-silicon” combination. Going by her Intelligence Quotient; she feels Silicon Valley is a place where she’s destined to live; of course after her breast implant. Sadly, she only believes in her “Jeezus” not on stupid resolutions.
Poonam Pandey or @ipoonampandey – As she started shedding her clothes her fanatics started “touching” the new highs (Hehe). 19 year old, internet’s most downloaded “model” of India need to first google the meaning of New Year Resolution to make one for her. Also, it’d interesting to see Poonam Pandey’s internet search history. Finding anything else in search history than “Hottest Bikini Pose” will come as a shock to me, I swear.
Sunny Leone – Hehe. *Runs*