Friday, August 26, 2011

Screw the Skills

For years we have witnessed many milk additives. Bournvita, Complaint, Milo, Maltova, Horlicks, blah, blah and blah. We know, they make kids Taller, Stronger, Sharper and all the possible “er”. Along with great taste does such milk additives also stimulates the grasping power of brain, as promised? No, they don’t. I have tasted all and Maltova was the best though my mother asked me to settle for Bournvita.

I asked myself a question  Does my class topper use such a supplement to hold his position in class? Perhaps yes. That is the reason why I started having it. Expectations always hurt  I learned it the hard way. Even after Bournvita I didn’t top. This was preposterous. I condemned the apparent result. Then I tried Horlicks. It should have worked according to the ad. The “sharper” thingy wasn’t true. They exaggerate the sharpness by various degrees. I don’t see how it can calibrates one’s mental capabilities when now I mull on it. That is when I learned some facts— I still forget where my cap is after wearing it. I still search for my specs even when I’m wearing them. Perhaps, I should file a legal complaint against additive makers and drag them to the Consumer Welfare court, no? Also I have nothing much interesting to do these days.

| Additive fact  Rooh Afza in icy milk tastes far much better than the others. Period.

Not only in milk; ads trend to set themselves as a perfect deceptive tool. A baby cries even after wearing Huggies. Where is the promise? Got leaked!?! Agreed they come in pants type easy to adjust around the baby but the babies still cry when they pee in it. Should the visibly contemptuous mother; vague about when Chunnu is going to fall asleep ask for her money back?

| Baby fact  They are cute but beware, you don't know who is Stewie Griffin and Shin Chan Nohara

Livon is also known for its deceptive tactics. I sticky eww’able semi-fluid runs down from the Whiskey shaped bottle. It promises to give a silky smooth straight hair, what about those who are born with curly hairs and cannot do anything for it?

 5 Star with it’s over hyped ad robbed me several times.

| Short story  The day I saw this ad I immediately went to get some of them for myself. I ate two and a half chocolate and still was able to recall everything; I was nauseating soon. Again I got something to file a legal case upon which caused me maal haani.

Fair and Lovely and its likes are few out of many freaking racist around. If anyone can, then please explain me the logic behind the mechanism involved in making skin tone farer within 7 days? The only methodologies I can strike for making skin farer is—paint your face with desired colour or rub it hard against the road. Caution – If you’re thinking of overly applying colour White, then for your information it’s hard to tan it later.

Kellogg’s Special K – Please excuse me, by any change any of you are subjecting yourself to this program in which you just have to eat 2 bowls, 2 times a day, for 2 week? This question is NOT sexist. Come one, don’t be shy. It’s perfectly okay if the lady draped in red saare had wooed you. It happens. Sympathies.

Tele Shopping ads; are you expecting a self explanatory explanation to it? Blame Slim Sauna Belt.

| Excerpt from a SMS which I had been receiving on daily basis From 1800-987-6784*Slim Sauna Belt* Loose 10 KG in 7 days. Buy Slim Sauna Belt at a special price of ` 2200 only. Hurry offer limited for a special period.

Either the marketing agency has built a Time Travelling Machine in which they saw I’m going to become a big belly or they are trying to be a purveyor of blatancy.

No matter how much one tries be will always flunk to explain the difference between a Deodorant and a Vest & Brief ad. Instead of viewers, it aroused government. Now *that* type of ads are banned.  

And finally Airtel; which recently launched a customer luring ad, Har k friend zaruri hota hai, needs to know, zarurat kay time par network bhi zaruri hota hai.


  1. :D i drank maltova too and i think it tasted just the best, i could drink it all day :D i am not too sure if am here for thr first time but i like your blog....:) and fair & lovely, i never used the guys in my college used and they look the same today, tannnned :D

  2. how stupid can I be Prateek :| it's your blog :| i didn't know your full name that's all :( excuse my poor knowledge about you as maltova didn't have those minerals and no pun intended...

  3. Hahahah! Awesome read man!
    My mother forced me into horlicks and i am neither tall, stronger or sharper. Huh! Ones i become a lawyer lemme help u sue them. Wat say? The perk glucose shud also b sued. I dint feel energetic or hyperactive as it claims us to feel.

  4. bongo! most of us are already sick of all such dumb marketing tactics..but the ironical thing is there are people who 'still' believe in it :O
    and airtel has turned my dads phone into a 'dabba' really :/
    am glad i got an IDEA! :P


  5. tagged you here

  6. Don' Also you should've mentioned the Axe deospray ads. Do chicks come flocking to you in droves if you apply some fragrance? Huh!

  7. lol...that was funny...
    having airtel, even i sometimes feel like pulling my hair off, but i restrain myself as i don't have many left :)

  8. lol. i loved hw u ended it!
    n hey hw do u kno babies cry even aftr usin dose mamy poko pants. i mean proof kya hai? :o

    n its only yesterday i saw sum magic spa thingy on tele brands. releases ions dat take away harmful toxins frm ur body n u cn b more energetic n go on holidays to europe.
    hw cool is dat!

    excellent post!

  9. Hahaa...enjoyed the read a lot..:)

  10. Maltova is my favourite too.
    Pampers is a better brand compared to Huggies, in my opinion. I am sure Mimi will agree too.
    I love five star...

    In order to sell, marketers tend to hype the product. Everything in this world needs to be taken with a pinch of salt ( I prefer tata ka namak)

    A different post. A good attempt!

  11. Chintan Not a problem, switch to Horlicks. :p Thanks a lot for the tag.

    Red I'd be more than happy. Drill them.

    Sammy I compared it and its likes to Macro-man ad. They only claim.

  12. Sub Haha! I wish you make some mistake. :p

    Sadiya Proof; um! I too was once a kid. :p How cool is that.
    And that SPA thingy - I'll wait for someone to review it.

    Irfan sir Thanks.

    Anita Ma'am I use to eat it without milk.
    Yes, Mimi is the only one right now who can point the difference. Preference to Tata namak because it is Desh ka namak?

  13. Warning....if you have a weak back do NOT try slim sauna belt, there is a serous danger of a slipped disc.
    More than Maltova or Horlicks, Incremin the tonic is somewhat effective...
    All these pearls of wisdom come from personal experience.

  14. ha ha prateek..
    Loved it..
    Its like u expressed every child problem here who thinks that complan will make him longer sharper or what not...
    Nice read !!!

  15. ha ha my mom never switched to maltova, btw liked it

  16. you are tagged here :)

  17. I drink (yep, still do) Bournvita because it's full of chocolate, that's why:P

  18. You forgot Axe effect and all the cheap Deo ads!! How could you?

    But on a serious note you need to write a thesis on who is stupider - the bad mad ad-makers or consumers?

  19. LOL, if everything went as they promised, there would be no apartheid, no boy would be rejected by a fairer girl on fairness' grounds.
    No one would be obese anymore, and the short people would become admirably tall.
    The only thing that we do not see is, the little asterisk at the bottom or top :)
    So, jaago grahak jaago !

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  20. God I have tried a lot of these things none seem to work for me :( kellogs K works only on women i think :)

    Have used that sauna belt too.. BUt yeh Stomach hai ki MAANTA hi nahin ....

    Made me smile ...


  21. *conditions apply, this says it all

    Brilliantly written!

  22. I never tasted maltova :( :( I am a complain and bourvita girl ;)
    Nice article as always ::)

    P.S. Nice Superman t-shirt :P

  23. Alka Ma'am Same pinch.

    Jyoti Suffering are always loved. :P

    Priyanka Same here.

    Purba Ma'am Yes...they robbed me several times.

  24. Some Unspoken Words :)

    Anshul Haha! So apt.

    Bikram Thanks sir jee

    Beyond Horizon, Madhulika Thankee. :p

  25. I am now trying women's horlicks.. at late night.. just to convince my hubby that i need a bit more energy during tough researching (my research pages are a mere camouflage for my virtual enterainment;)
    And i swear Women's Horlicks didnt help.. he knows i am doing everything possible other than research:)
    Good read Pratheek!

  26. i have linked this post in my,
    hope u wont mind..

  27. hahahah cool...But am sure deep down unconsciously even after knowing all this we stil get wooed by these kindaa ads.
    I still buy Limca because apart from the taste the more influencial factor is that I like Viraf Patel :D:D


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