Neighbor Stands Tall

Don't worry, we are here.

So you think world is weird place and cannot get weirder? Is that so? Hah! You are absolutely, wrong. See the world with an angle that is not defined on a protractor and you’ll see China (Sarcasm exclusive). World’s most populated country but not densely populated; China is like Rakhi Sawant. Whenever China feels it’ is out of news, it manages to give the world something intriguing to ponder upon. China reminds me of the time when the concept of dating was not appreciated. Someone who was found practicing blatant dating game had to face the furor. For weeks, the agitated mother watches her daughter with narrow eyes; no-no even narrower than their actual gifted narrowness (See the picture above | No racism intended.).

From early 2000, China is invariably famous for its Made in China tags carved beautifully at the bottom or back of any product but now things have changed. With a GDP of 9.5% now China has also gained much of reorganization. New trades have shown up, new job opportunities are waiting for young Chinese to grasp upon. Boyfriends and girlfriend’s seasonal trade is the latest trend in China these days. They just have to pay a small amount to change their relationship status on Facebook from being Single to In a Relationship, and of course to make their parents happy. Pay more get more real relation, that’s the deal.

“Nothing can sustain in this universe without equilibrium” – China knew it, and soon acted upon it. Can’t say it’s over? Let us help you” The isolated internet sphere of China is nowadays seizing with the ads and agents who prejudice themselves as The Breakup Expert. Killing the love has always been the cruelest act. No one wants to be in the middle of river of tears flowing through the mountains of guilt. Now when I see it, agents appear to me as noble soles souls; born to emancipate. Carrying their karma to find a place in heaven and who knows they might get rewarded with 72 virgins just like Osama-bin-Laden. With a price of 400 Yuan for an hour to break the bitter news these agents are hit these days. Had this idea been boon in India, a chain of people would have registered themselves as the agents and more rapidly institutes like FIITJEE would be offering a 2 week condense course in this field with a fee of ` 20,000 per week. Fee would include—tuition fee, book fee and examination fee. If FIITJEE is doing it then how can Brilliant, Narayana and Pie leave themselves behind?

Fading Festive

Google Images

It was the eve of Independence Day; 15^th August. World was a beholder when world’s largest democracy cherished its 64^th year of emancipation. I was trying to rate my patriotism. Has it increased by few folds or has it decreased by few notches. I don’t fly kites anyone, has the patriotism inside me died? I don’t wear Khādī has the patriotism dried?

While rating I realized; why only Independence Day, has my interest dipped for every festival or occasion celebrated in the society? I grazed for a while and realized—it is not only me. I don’t see sky full of kites anymore. I don’t see enthusiasm in 15^th day of August anymore. Does my enthusiasm lies only in a single day of a year? Doesn’t my actions rather than flaunt works for the benefit of my nation?

|Does patriotism only means “that”? Can’t patriotism be not downgrading own country?

My teacher accused me of being driven by the western cult. The one who’s trying to get himself to a Canadian university as a professor warned me for not wearing Capri. Where is the love for India, I bet it is in Canada, no? So how am I supposed to make myself patriotic? Any idea? I can paint my face with tricolour and run around the streets, I can loudly sing Vande Mataram to show my patriotism is above all. Won’t my subtle actions help in progress my nation?

I do not stalk any tourist neither I ask them for their names out of blues. Doesn’t this makes my nation a little above than it actually was for tourists from abroad? I do not spit out venom, unnecessarily. Last time I travelled in DTC I heard intellectuals’ above 50’s overly ranting the nation. A little contribution can help but who cares? Rants are much easily availing medium.

| What I believe is – not making it worse is a part of not degrading.

I do not write on ancient monuments “♥ I love you Shreya ♥”. Monuments are tourist venue and give a great deal of moolah in Indian economy. I don’t write on them hence I do not degrade them. Doesn’t this indirectly say I’m helping my country? Perhaps, I am not economically strengthen enough to contribute in country; oh come on, I’m still a student. I see no reason to crib excessively about the ill-condition of country. Did country asked you to rape it? Excessive crime rate. Did country made you bankrupt? Betting on India-England match did. Did country made it the way it is now? Earlier it was centre of excellent monumental display and now it is all tobacco and pisses marks and smell too. Stop raving when you cannot. (FYI: Yes, this paragraph was meant to hurt.)

Metro-ian Dissection

Have you heard about Metro, Delhi Metro? Metro is one such project that brought grandeur to the name “Delhi Metro Rail Corporation”. Now when it’s a huge success unlike Ready, it brought people closer than they actually are. Now I can land anywhere uninvited, thanks to Metro. Ease had to be compromise; enough facility doesn't sound India, right? A short run is tolerable and can be easily disremembered. Unfortunately I always get rope in an alone voyage which starts giving me melancholics’ soon as I realize the above stated fact.

Are you in this picture? Yes. Congrats, you're famous now.

Invariably irking announcement on metro stations takes my toes off the ground (Even higher than Red Bulls). The blatant announcement turns into a melodious silence when loud speakers goes malfunction. Stentorian musical tones from headphones—some highly intellectual beings have successfully de-bunked new alternatives to make their co-passengers listen Sheela Ki Jawani. Blaring isn't from no-guarantee Chinese cell phone’s extra large speaker, this time it is, maximum volume flaring out from their 3.5mm jack earphones. Suave office goers are the most admired among all. They are calm and fully humanized with a sense of idiosyncrasy. Imbeciles—naam he kaafi hai. Talkative aunties are often discovered amidst congregation of too much talkative aunties. They spare their husband and whirl someone else’s pati parameshwar. Even their Facebook profile lists it as an interest and hobby. Ranting, raving a man without his attention is not an act of bravery, but they are talkative aunties after all, aren’t they?

Bollywood Ishtyle

After living in a country which has strived for almost two decades for something "cool", I have realized the true imitation potential of its citizens. Some choose to go public and some practice covertly. It isn’t easy to implant hypothetical genes of your favorite chocolaty actor or curvy actress inside your chromosomes. It requires a lot of practice, dedication and hard work but after you have successfully copied and created an identical ABC actor or a clone within yourself, now comes the time to flaunt your blatant act publicly. (But if implantation jeopardizes  the end results can hang you between bizarre and WTF is this? I'm not accusing Rohit Bal in any case here.) Assuming that majority have successfully completed the positioning of "alien" genes into their cells, it is now time for spectators to witness this turmoil (the exact word, though less brutal). The copycats always prejudice their AoI (Act of Imitation) as an unmatched manoeuvre, this momentarily happiness and modesty doesn't allow the "normal's" to break the jinx.

I never knew Chopra Uncle; my neighbor, was such an obsessive imitator of "Vijay Deenanath Chauhan." He would always croon his Father, Mother and Village name and his exact “age.” Apparently his DOB is his Facebook login password. I once saw him in a chat with Shobha aunty; Durgesh uncle's wife. But that is an off topic discussion. Chopra uncle has successfully managed to turn his family to a new and most widely practiced religion in India; bollywood. His wife had lately emerged as a strong Madhuri Dixit worshiper. She always seems to crave for a perfect day and every year selects holi to be the D-day for display of her AoI. Chopra aunty is found draped in a green Saree. When the maximum crowd is ogling her she start dancing on “Hum pe ye kisne hara rang dala.” Saree in his daughter’s wardrobe dictionary is an obsolete. According to her virtues; "draping self in a saree is so-not-like-Katrina" (Said in a fake UK accent). 

Open Letter to a Classmate

Dear classmate,


How are you? I hope you are “doing” fine. I am writing this letter to convey my sincere regards to you. I find these days of summers as the most promising time to pen my mind down to you perhaps because it will satisfy my itch to thank you for everything. It gives me immense pleasure to write to you. Please bear with me.

You can make me go to sleep, anytime!

It has been a long time, precisely few months less in a couple of year that I’m watching your face everyday just for the sake of attendance. It wasn’t long that you suddenly drift away from me and started your own “Anti-Me Campaign”; it was really heartening to see how hard you tried to expand your “jihadi” group which started from two and ended up with only one; you.


I want to clear my doubts with you in this post. I like the way you every time try to flaunt how cool you are against me. It makes me believe that “I’m also cool”. Blasting a bomb in college campus is not a heroic act rather I call it "kiddish." I had stopped doing this since I was in 8th standard, now it is boring. You call yourself a “beer frenetic” but you always avoid visiting a bar, even the one with the cheapest rates. You promised to throw a big lavish birthday party for your “friends” but were absent for straight 7 days from the date of your birthday (excluding Sunday). On the 8th day you gave your birthday treat as a “free” Corneto to everyone, of course except me.

The Great Comedy in Indian Shows

India television has been marked with eras. People go along the flow, entertainment is the basic entity. It doesn’t matter what kind of entertaining is being piled. Since I am a child of 90’s, the decade where India finally met and wed the globalization. A decade when Chetan Bhaghat was just an engineering aspirant, a decade which was marked with the release of the movie Border, a decade in which neither Uday Chopra nor Abhishek Bachchan thought to debut as a newcomer. As the time progressed TV shows categorized themselves—

Era of एकता में अनेकता 

Ever since I gained my cautious for the television, one, and the only name making headlines was Ekta Kapoor. Her reel dramas soon turned into real dramas. Time was not far when Indian husbands got severely retarded with the buckets sitting along the sofas to catch their wife’s precious tears. Mihir made a benchmark and Tulsi was making a perfect brain wash. Wives calling husband as “Mihir” created a perfect name jeopardy. “Suspecting husband” aka The Fa Deodrant effect also made  its place in the household works. Along with it brought handful amount of daily soaps which constraint housewives from cleaning entire house to only sofa and television set.

She (एकता कपूर, Sister/of तुषार कपूर, Daughter/of जितेंदर) ruled the world of drama for a long reign and finally her episodes started dying and eventually died (Law of Nature – Something which is born is ought to die). Women showed their great dismal, husbands now were getting breakfast and dinner on time, sons and daughter’s school visits were no longer procrastinated. Everything came back to normal (Women shares a different perspective).

The History of "Nothing is Permanent"

This is the story of Epicness. An answer to the question "who is the father of nation the phase Nothing is Permanent". Last night I saw a dream which indirectly gave me the answer to my long searched question to which even Google said "don't you have anything else to search. Duh!". In my dreams Saltasaurus (my "last night dream" pet) gave me a trip to his city. His father Saltasaurus Sr. was a literature/philosophy scholar. Oh! Did I mention, his father framed this simple quote with complexity more than iota. Meanwhile, I was studying his thesis, Saltasaurus's mother cooked Masala Dosa for us; delicious it was. His sister works at a MNC. 

But, going by today I sincerely believe that Fevikwick and M-seal are pretty much "permanent". At least the ape’s descendent's were able to outclass dinosaur’s sayings up to certain extent. No, I won't lay the lame M-seal's dying-father-puts-extra-zero ad here. But will advocate the believes of our great dinosaurs, (who fortunately weren't our ancestors) how their sayings is now literally into practice everywhere.

Diagnose Holi

Picture Courtesy- Google

“Holi is the festival of colours.” We all have been taught this phase ever since we were little lollipop sucking cuties but as the time passed by this festival of colour also changed its meaning in Delhi. Now not much people show their inclination towards this festival much here, fortunately I too contribute in the majority. I don’t like getting out of my house. Yes, you heard it so correct – I restrain myself into my room. But this doesn’t mean I don’t like this joyful festival. I like it as much as people in Mathura do but the meaning behind this festive mood in Delhi has got a new face all together over past couple of years.


With the change of ode in understanding, a peculiar trend of celebrating Holi was born and is nourishing now at its full swing; I call it “Tacky Holi”. Celebrating Holi in some parts of Delhi baffles me. People either out of their sheer boring life or no-wife life makes this festival a festival of cries.
If you’re wondering what the heck, am I trying to testify or how does this anyhow relates my No-No for holi then let me enlighten you—


I have been closely tracking Holi from past two years; each year manifests my belief into a rigid concrete surface. Recently, Holi news that is making a stir is “Man threw Acid on Girl from his Pichkari”. Such headlines make me wonder, what the girl did. She was just walking by. People over-drink and pick up fights against any random pedestrian. This turns ugly when both of them abuse at the pinnacle of their heavy-broken-machine-alike-voices. It does not feels nice when family is near and loud abuses you have to bear, neither I can enjoy the street drama nor can I curse them. Eventually police embarks and cuts the roadside entertainment but this entertainment also leaves a question behind, what if you were a part of this street drama. Holi gives liability to touch and throw colours and balloons and this makes worse for girls. Street and sexual harassment are off the charts on this day of year.

Eat, Play and Sleep

I'll kill you, and so will I

Out of every damn thing created by God MAN is the only specie which has been bestowed with this peculiar trait called “Eating”, “Eating” and once again “Eating”. Of course women are also unique but their peculiarities are way much bizarre than men. Eh? I am being sexist. No, it's a sheer fact.

Alright! Coming back to the men. Eating has always been our favorite hobby or even a pass time. Men eat because they are born to eat, it's their birth right. So what is the problem if they're practicing it?
So here I am to answer a few questions (call it FAQs) which often create an ape image of the men—

Q: Why do Men eat weirdly?
A: Simply because they have much more hunger as compared to their counterparts.

Q: Why are men less emotional in comparison to their counterparts?
A: Men are emotional, it is just that men’s tear glands have yet not evolved like that of women’s. Therefore they are incapable of producing drum-full of tears.

Q: If a man has to choose between his Girlfriend and Mc.Aaloo Tikki costing Rs.15, can we rely that he'll be choosing his girlfriend?
A: Are you nuts? Hell NO! Don't you see we live to eat rather than eating to live.Rs.15 Mc. Aaloo Tikki any day!!!. Mc.Aaloo Tikki costs above Rs.20 exclusive of 12.5% VAT. We cannot leave any eatable item which is provided below MRP.

How Dare You!?! You Racist

This incident dictated is written deliberately and is meant to hurt the mindsets of people who think they have evolved with the world, evolved!?! Really?

"
It was late afternoon at one fine boring day at college. The class was appearing much like a center of boredom, people were busy in killing the boredom, some were busy in dreaming, some were staring at the chalk box with open mouth, some preferred to slip into a noon nap, the rest left were busy in playing Poker. Poker is one game for which half of my class goes sane from insane. Given a chance they could probably bid their own house. Their Walls on Facebook is a living evident that how badly they have been smitten by this P game; lucky me, I am miles away from such pseudo madness. The game was going intense; I would have never known the intensity of the game if Anubhav haven’t murmured it in his mouth.

The long reign of Abhishek as the King of Poker was coming to a halt. Utkarsh was taking a lead and from the facial expression Abhishek didn’t like it. He lost, yes the champion was beaten and a new hero of Poker was born in the class, of course not literally born. Abhishek couldn’t digest the fact so he called another game to claim his title once again with a lewd remark at Utkarsh. Lewd remark!?! Yes, the remark was indeed lewd and it chuckle the great Poker players. The comment passed wasn’t ordinary, it was meant to hurt and was directed to penetrate deep inside Utkarsh’s heart, so it did. The comment was Racist. Utkarsh’s colour was the thing which Abhishek loathed.

Shh!! Let Me Nitpick While I Boast

It was his birthday, 11th August, 2008 when he came to the store and looked for me (actually for everyone). I was there right behind him while he was busy in checking out others. He never knew about me until he was told. He saw me, he smiled and enquired about me, “Oh my gosh! He knows everything about me." He was impressed and therefore decided to take me with him. Ah, sheer bliss, new place, a new life begins for me. It was difficult to corporate with him for a while but somehow it happened. Let me first introduce you to myself. I am W705. Today’s mobile phone. You must be wondering, why is this non living metal box here and how in the world did he got the password to access this blog? Answer to the question like these would be – I stole it. Why am I here? My answer – To write a blog post. Since HE is busy with his own issues and the blog's last update was appearing to be centuries ago, literally; therefore I, yes I, W705 took the pain and accumulated my thoughts under the post title Shh!! Let Me Nitpick While I Boast. 

And here is how it goes—

We had relished so many texts together until now. Most of the texts received were were dumb and sent were dumbest, dumbest enough to baffle anyone and screw the minds of the people searching the sense in his text. At times he make me go mad, I thereby automatically switch off to show my anger, I still remember when he irked me to the height of insanity. It happened when he sent a text to one of his contact —

Him – Come down I am here................
"Contact rushes out of his house to greet his long known friend when he receives another text. (Expected!)"
Him - Come down I am here in front of my college, will reach in an hour at your place within an hour or so. Hahaha!!!

Bigg Boss 4 - Emotional Attyachaar

Last episode (call it senselessness) of Bigg Boss season 4 compelled me to write a blog post upon it. Bigg Boss season which claims itself to be a family show since season 1 is now turning out to be something above a family show perhaps it has redefined the words Family Show – show which members of family watch after being isolated. Much hyped show hosted by Salman Khan is no more viewer's choice (check TRP). Bringing foreign artists belongings (Veena Malik and Begum Ali) for TRP wasn't a smart move, MNS left no stone unturned to criticize this action. This 4th season is mutating more into a समुदाय भवन (Community Hall), on what basis? Duh! Sara-Ali wedding is an on-screen example. Though the producer of this staged drama was been requested not to air this weeding by this daily soap candid couple but he simply refused to oblige their demand and strictly asked them to read the contract. Couple is expected to file a complaint against the producer in Rakhi Ka Insaaf. 


Somehow Bigg Boss 4 is trying to pronounce itself as a youth show more like MTV. Romance by most and Abuses by Dolly are in the air. Veena Malik's proposal to Hrishant Goswami via Dolly and Hrishant not taking her proposal pushes this much needed producer's effort to set an example that We're your Love Guru. Yeah! Now a boy can expect that a girl can propose him (though it never happens) Ah! Dolly. How could I possibly forget that sloth potato bag that lie on the couch and innovates the ways to get up on feet for dinner. Actually the heaviness of her voice can be conservative sometimes. Like on Diwali, her reduced expenditure on Crackers is one among the two constructive use of her voice.

Do you even know about this sport

18th October, the unused special CWG off finally came to an end. A new excitement filled me up soon as I entered in my classroom. Like a usual morning a topic was jumping among the nerds and the studs—CWG. India’s 0-8 loss against the Australia. Man this was something not expected, they raped us brutally – A fellow nerd standing by my side dropped his point into the discussion with a calculated angle and force to make an impact. He was supported by a stud (not me). Soon the topic caught fire and a process of hailing ignited. Momentarily I took myself into my solitude space of thoughts and discovered that the impression by them (studs and nerds) was totally reflecting their own frustration hidden beneath their hockey condemns. I couldn’t stand with this inappropriate discussion and tried to make them realize that instead of loosing Gold, cherish the Silver. Those who could decipher my words brought their trivial allegations to a halt. Unfortunately everyone is not endowed with common sense. Those who weren’t were still nowhere to retreat their words, frenetically defending their feeble innocuous statements against me. I questioned myself ‘was I even more complex than Inception and Digital Fortress or their I.Q is in the negative side according to the I.Q measuring machine (though impossible but I was amidst so many Paris Hilton or Rakhi Sawant)?’

Rohit suddenly burst his theory – Dude, they lost 8 to nil in their own country. “How many football matches you’ve won on your terrace against me. I remember 3 out of 17”, I said sarcastically (thanks to my witty mind). Rohit on his humiliation left the class with disgust.

Now it was my turn – I questioned them. Who was Dhyanchand? The one who dared to answer called him a social reformer who worked with Raja Ram Mohan Roy (name defines only 1 person, not 4) to abolish child marriage. I was totally flattered with his limitless knowledge and called him the Class Guru, to my surprise he was Ankush, studs lifted him up and gave me a boo expression. Showing their triumph over me. Soon after he puffed his chest with pride I sarcastically remarked him a Jerk in a colony of morons. He understood he was wrong (thank God!). Quickly after an internet search for the word Dhyanchand, exactly after 5 seconds he thwacked the ground and left the class with a contemptuous expression. I smiled at him to take his frenzy up to the limit.

Pritam was in front of me and yet again I got my subject to blow. I asked him the name of tours and cups/trophies which hockey has. Not surprisingly he was seeing my face, dumb (I wonder why didn't he answerd Netwest Series or Border-Gavaskar Cup. Hence proved Nerd = Dumb). He was dejected and left like two before. I copied my previous smile and flashed it to the dejected nerd dumb.

I questioned Himanshu (not a stud, neither a nerd, not even useless) to name of 5 hockey players playing India vs. Australia. After mulling for a while and witnessing the sarcasm peak, he deliberately answered Rajpal Singh, Sardar Singh, Chetr…….. I purposely cut him in between (yeah, I'm devilish) and flipped the question to "how many teams play hockey, don’t count those who played at Commonwealth Games 2010?". Baffled, smitten within his own incomplete knowledge. Like others he too left with fireballs in his eyes and I too reciprocated my act of smile, leaving no stone unturned.

The bitter truth is that Indian sports were never being emphasized. It was never a subject of interest for the government. Facilitating the sportsperson is not even the last thing that government could think of. I wonder how’d present medal tally for CWG 2010 appear if they were being properly provided with all what  they need. Everyone cannot be Abhinav Bindra who can build their own personal practice grounds. (Duh!!)

I reprieved and my sarcasm spree came to a halt after I convincingly introduced their prejudice to the reality. Like I said my day was channelized with new excitement and now a sense of winning an argument also filled me up. Ah! accomplishment was notched. Soon my lecture for Numerical Analysis and Programming (boring…) begun and everything settled down like it use to be but I still cherish morning of 18th October after all it was my day.