Being a Man

“Mard ko dard nahin hota!” Ever since Amitabh Bachchan beautifully said this dialogue in his movie “Mard”, the apparently mere metaphorical representation of the pain and agony that Amitabh was subjected to “in the scene” took a leap of stride. The dialogue which was once used to symbolize the maleness has lately been readily abused and is used against males themselves, of course by their most appropriate counterpart. Who else would envy the males?

I am here to describe how being a male is a relentless tougher job than being a female. There, I said it. Someone has to whirl the perils of being a male in the women bent society, I am here do so. I heard a lot about how difficult is to be a female; people read and appreciate the facts but never hurl, “How is it being a male?” Being a male is not only shoving the pay cheque in a poker match, attending all the super cars/bikes rally or googling the nearest strip club, no absolutely not m’am. Perhaps, some facts might clear the mist around us.

A Valentine's Day To Remember

Blogadda's Tangy Tuesday Pick

In this month of love I asked Red Handed to help me out with a post sprinkled with the splashes of love from her perspective. She said okay. I said good. She poured some neat ideas, I blend them with dirt. And before we could claim the superiority we co-authored a blog post. Tada!

Valentine’s Day is just a few days away and I am all excited about it. Perhaps, Valentine’s Day serves me much more than Diwali. We all know the fabricated custom of this day. Sending SMSes to only girls. Oozing your tender feelings for her; of course on SMS or sometimes on GTalk. Fixing a plan to meet for face-to-face confession with some chocolates and flowers. This is Valentine’s Day in Indian sphere unlike western. Things have gone social. Couples spamming your News Feed on Facebook, Timeline on Twitter, Scrapbook on Orkut and Nothing on LinkedIn with their heart melting I Love You Jaanu posts beautifully carved with and tones of emoticons “<3”; being prominent. If you do NOT use “<3” at the end of every wall post you write on your partner's wall on Facebook, you are not in love. Period. End of discussion. I personally relish such posts, much because I love to barge in with irksome comments and leave with a sense of doubt. The best thing about today's socially advanced custom you are considered a couple only when your Facebook status is updated from being single to in a relationship.

A lot of people talk about what to do after you are in a relationship but never cared to mull what preparations are prerequisite for it. How would you feel if the moment of desperation ends up blowing in your face? You propose her with some perfectly rehearsed lines; a convincing brief of your inclination for her and all you get at the end is a tossed heart straight into the dustbin which reads “use me”. This is a scenario of unprepared Ranjha. Heer would never suffer such loss of determination because she would never approach her wanted-to-be Ranjha; moral girl code strictly prohibits them for certain acts; Sistah Code (Sly copy of Bro Code).

Resolution and All

It has been 10 days since the New Year has arrived. It is 2012 and like a regular activity everyone has started framing their own New Year resolutions to make their life better. When I say everyone, it includes actors, politicians and various other inhuman kinds (Yes, yes the KRK types). With Jingle Bells still stuck into my head I have formulated a resolution list occupation wise which has enough potential to rescue India and more importantly Mankind.

Actors

Abhishek Bachchan – He is an impotent important man with potential, only potential or is it just the last name notching un-requisite weigh to the first name. Judging by the year 2011 and those which went by like a yawn in context of his career/acting, Bachchan must seriously consider learning the art of choosing. Script that sucks cannot earn.

Aamir Khan – You just need Complan shake to increase your height and then you won’t have to swallow the imminent camouflaged joke by Shahrukh. I am your big fan, hoping someday someone will turn out to be your big cooler.

Shahrukh Khan – Juxtaposition, Aamir listed above is the reason. There are so many people who want to make their unanimous honest confession. I gave them this blog post as a medium to express their heartfelt thoughts. I cannot type whatever they said, since I am in a public domain but the people who witnessed the phenomenon of Rs 132 Crores which you named as Ra.One are feeling uneasy to let you go after being subjected to a 4^th dimensional mental asylum that you created. Filing a lawsuit was most appealing them as a perfect buster and then Don2 happened. New thoughts are in process, will update you.

You must take a resolution to make movies which is little above the line of nonsense. If people can appreciate Golmaal then they will definitely look forward to yours.

Immortality, I wish for

Where are we heading?

Sometimes days pass by until you realize they are passing. A thought clouds your mind with a temptation to explore the "what if's" and so your solitude is occupied. Days becomes night, evening and afternoon have no sign. Some of you think about getting into better college, some are occupied with better job salary while some are busy with what to download. Lately, I have been seized by a thought. Thought which might transcend the boundaries of fiction. Even though the idea can never happen but dabbling into the sea of possibilities, which indeed is perpetual, it is itself a meditation to me.

Thought, a human is ought to die as a part of an inevitable process; the thought itself brings a sense of sensation down the spine. Equilibrium has to be intact, after all that is how the universe works. Give and take away criterion is a fundamentally proven law of nature. Whenever something has to dealt with life and death, as a part of routine we always tend to drag medical science and its advancement into the field but never tried to go beyond death. Medical advancement cannot seize your youth forever. Life beyond death is my point of ponder here or Immortality, if I articulate the phrase.

Death gives us sleep, eternal youth, and immorality — Jean Paul

“How would it be if I were immortal? Rather filling only one generation I would have filled so many, if only I were immortal.” It is actually what has been keeping me up these days. Immortality is something which is always fantasized and wished by the mortals. Why we ache for such a bizarre fantasy? Perhaps, it is not the curiosity of watching the generations come and go by; somewhere down the line it is the fear to die, fear of not able to breathe again, feel the things again and departure from the loved ones. Plenty of people must had given a thought to not to die secretly in their solitude. Getting baffled by the enigma of life and death is rather very easy and intriguing also on the other hand very intimidating too. If you still haven’t given a thought, please do since I do not want to sound like a parallel universe’s weird specimen. Thought? Felt good; didn't you? Watching over your parents, children, grand children, great grandchildren and so on! Witnessing the growth; from mobile phones to holographic communication devices and eventually to the end of the world. Historic life. Wouldn’t it be, hmm?

Hindu mythology manifests the fetish for immortality. Protagonist, *of the time being* prays hard to impress his God and when succeeds; in exchange of his efforts, a blessing for immortality is being asked, often. Though, God replies with a straight no, no matter how rude may it sounds, but why? Perhaps, being immortal is not what it appears to be. Significance might to manifest itself but is encrypt somewhere in it. Mythological aspect of being immortal implies the sheer fact, that now the “mortal who has turned to immortal” shares a place amidst the various Gods. Either God is too choosey with his council members or there is no vacancy for other God job post. But nothing seems to convince me. Is then immortality a curse? I had stopped pondering upon this issue; hitherto, I was suggested to watch a series.

Recently, I had completed watching a 6 episode anime series, named Rin: Daughter of Mnemosyne which answered me the question for which I had been longing for. The story of two immortal girls; cannot be killed, and if they do get killed, they can regenerate. Excellent concept with sheer brilliant artwork (Of course artwort would be brilliant, it is an anime.) and short six episode story but with a perfectly profound moral, at least for me. With every passing episode the series taught me aspects of human life. The trading cost for being immortal is just too high. Stakes are off the charts, I’d say. The foundation policy of our entire living comes into act “if you want some, you have to give away some”. But what you have to give away in return of immortality? Seems peculiar trade, no? Given a chance to choose I would like to die instead of living for eternity. Why? Because the answer is simple, immortality is a curse. You have to pay for immortality for eternity. How would someone feel if he is made to eat his favorite food all day long? He will relish the feast for days, then after week he will get tired within a month or so, bored. Repeating the same activity for decades perhaps century will eventually lead to a life of boredom. This is the expense and peril.

Detachment is hard and dealing with the melancholy would be perpetual when you have to live on and on, seems a trivial trade to me; only if you are not a hollow emotionless lump of flesh in a human form. Peril comes with everything but the intensity differs with every circumstance, this is extreme. Living has to be kept a secret affair; questions would rise if told to everyone. Human are always curious to explore new sides of life, making your immortal life just a piece of experiments and data collection source would be a heavenly blessing for them. Changing places and identities, so much for living is not the kind of life I would ever want. Yet, there will be people who will opt to live and face the consequences. Words will fail to persuade them but their opinions will remain unshakable. Of course everything is fictitious but seems real to me, I think I am immortal………  

We Can Leak

This is a guest post is written by Aashish Aryan who is a well acknowledged writer at News That Matters Not. He blogs here.

And this time around we decided to give some competition to that white guy (do we sound racists?) with a knack for disturbing world leaders… Julian Assange. Wait, we are not going to open another website or go to the jail or encounter a rape case either.  We did our own share of leaking things and chanced upon a little bit of a “private” conversation between Harvinder Singh and his victim Sharad Pawar. Hacking into the MTNL’s telephone cable is not a big deal of efforts. This little conversation happened when Shard was at some cricket stadium and his arch-nemesis Harvinder Singh in the jail. Since MTNL’s line had a heavy disturbance hence entire conversation couldn’t be recorded. Excerpt from the conversation is as under.

Harvinder: Hello Saar. So, how are you doing now? (imagining Pawar’s left cheek). I heard some fan also went down quite close to you.

Pawar: Don’t you frickin'; dare to talk to me. Who asked you to slap me so hard? Ouch! It still hurts. Ouch! And then that brandishing knife and all. You think it was fun, huh?

Harvinder (chuckles): I wanted it to look as real as possible, man! This is what the script demanded. Moreover, people living a virtual life can be cynics. I had to do it. Also, as the treaty goes you have not even got me Sunny, you promised me! It has been days singe the hand-on-cheek incident. (Well do we need to explain it, Which Sunny?)

Why Always Bat?

This post had been sitting with puppy eyes in my drafts for a month now and while I pen, this post stands out of regular. This is an outrageous post. Okay, I exaggerated a little. Lately I have been thinking to actually ponder upon something sensitive. Actually not that sensitive, okay-okay-ish sensitive types.

It is okay to love something, but what if “love” exceeds the boundaries of okay? Nothing can be done; we have to live with it. Maruti television commercial says, “India, a country obsessed with mileage” but clearly they are wrong by miles. India has a bigger obsession, mileages doesn’t even make up to the “Top 10 Obsessions of India”. Cricket is the list topping obsession of India. For some, this obsession has crossed all the bars and boundaries (Not Chandni Bar, okay?); doesn’t matter if India is not playing, humein toh match he dekhna hai bas.

.....Yours Truly

 “This letter is strictly written to address the general public. Also it gives me; Digvijay Singh, an immense pleasure to announce that “The Unwise Prevails over the Wise” has completed its year long journey in Blogosphere and on such an occasion what is better than to publish my letter to Indian youth?”

I have been wondering for years to write such a letter and unravel what Digvijay actually is. And today, here I am collecting my anecdotes and aligning them in this letter as we speak. I was born in the year 1947 and the truth of Indian independence lies within me. I was declared as the destined child by Panditji from Shiv Mandir near my Mausiji’s house; that would bring an ode of emancipation with him for his motherland. That very year India tasted its long awaited freedom; my virtue has never been credited since then. History also testifies; life of a hero has always been synonym to miseries and darkness; mine was no different. I was sent to an engineering college……eyes of sympathy still haunt me. I was always looked down upon by the people for years probably because I was Sheldon Cooper of my era. I must bring up some of my handy work I did in my early days. When I was 7, my neighbor aunt caught me stalking her daughter; when I was 10, a bunch of lad pondered me because I refuse to give them the money I lost in a bet; at the age of 15, I was on the pinnacle of my puberty and my parents caught me ………….*Fap Fap Fap*; at the age of 20, teacher caught me with chits while writing exam. I grew up without a Play Stations or iPhone or watching Harry Potter Series or riding Pulsar; enough to give you a rough sketch of my demean childhood. Every piece of my miseries fell into the right void as predicted by Daruwalaji, precisely this is the reason why lately I like being called as Diggy; name change policy, you see!

I was sad, low and heading without the compass of life. I remember the verses I quoted during this phase—

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

You’re playing small

Does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

—     Marianne Williamson Digvijay Singh

My vision provoked the poet out of me and under no consciousness I wrote such a masterpiece. Vision was equipped to change my life forever; it was the day when I joined the most elite politico group of India; Congress. I had to accomplish something for myself. Bas ek aag thi jo tan badan main  failti chali gayi. I was young, naive and my youth kept pushing me to strive for success. But now I am focus and motor mouth service man with a will to put India on world map, in a slightly different manner, unlike F1 racing or A Raja. Politics is a game of dirt; I was accused of being corrupt, endlessly and invariably. I am the chosen one and I can never have words such a corrupt in my career file; it has always been and will always be a conspiracy by Anti-Digvijay group, Hindu groups, BJP or RSS. The possibility of involvement of Extra Terrestrials cannot be ruled out as well.

Baseless charges on me: Ridiculously ridicule accusations

Now when the congress is strong enough, capable to single handedly trend anything on twitter; it is not unnatural that Anti-Congress (Team Anna) will not take birth. It’s a balance without which universe will shred into pieces. Over the time they nourished and tried to shake the concrete of ruling party. After me they proceeded as their play was laid; Manmohanji, Soniaji and Rahulji by Kajrawaala err… I mean Kejriwal. I respect Annaji “only” from the bottom of my heart. I hold no personal grudge against him but I sincerely believe if he wants to bring “A Good Government” into power, instead of his chaotic campaign he should fight an election without the invisible support of RSS or ET’s. 

So, in my final words I would like to wish you all a very happy life ahead. My you always hoot and vote for Congress. Jai Hind!

Dhanyawaad

— Digvijay Singh

Post was also published at thewittyshit(dot)com and can be read here.

An Ideal Boy

Here

Boys prejudice, a lot. Their habit to exaggerate and overrate ant size matter agitates me enough to nitpick on them. For century feminism had been seen low, male driven society is the trend. How come? Can male reproduce? NO. Then how come they rate their maleness above the femaleness? I have been advised by the blog owner to be gentle but parallel runs the veracious me. How can I be gentle when I am living in a state called Delhi, where a damsel is a frail imbecile who is been taught all the aspects of life and later burdened with tones of restrictions?

Now when I think about it, I have learned to live with it. I cannot vent my perpetual crotchety on anyone, solitude was only non-grey option available. Then I asked my friend, “Can I rant on your blog?” With an intriguing eye and not-so-usual face he answered, “Are you nuts? That’s my ranting place.” With a little threatening and boom-puff he frenetically agreed and this was how I got this space; PoV – Musings of an anonymous girl. Account of my musings would be in scarce but every time it will bring a new fervor to me. I hope you relish this feast (Metaphorically said).

Neighbor Stands Tall

Don't worry, we are here.

So you think world is weird place and cannot get weirder? Is that so? Hah! You are absolutely, wrong. See the world with an angle that is not defined on a protractor and you’ll see China (Sarcasm exclusive). World’s most populated country but not densely populated; China is like Rakhi Sawant. Whenever China feels it’ is out of news, it manages to give the world something intriguing to ponder upon. China reminds me of the time when the concept of dating was not appreciated. Someone who was found practicing blatant dating game had to face the furor. For weeks, the agitated mother watches her daughter with narrow eyes; no-no even narrower than their actual gifted narrowness (See the picture above | No racism intended.).

From early 2000, China is invariably famous for its Made in China tags carved beautifully at the bottom or back of any product but now things have changed. With a GDP of 9.5% now China has also gained much of reorganization. New trades have shown up, new job opportunities are waiting for young Chinese to grasp upon. Boyfriends and girlfriend’s seasonal trade is the latest trend in China these days. They just have to pay a small amount to change their relationship status on Facebook from being Single to In a Relationship, and of course to make their parents happy. Pay more get more real relation, that’s the deal.

“Nothing can sustain in this universe without equilibrium” – China knew it, and soon acted upon it. Can’t say it’s over? Let us help you” The isolated internet sphere of China is nowadays seizing with the ads and agents who prejudice themselves as The Breakup Expert. Killing the love has always been the cruelest act. No one wants to be in the middle of river of tears flowing through the mountains of guilt. Now when I see it, agents appear to me as noble soles souls; born to emancipate. Carrying their karma to find a place in heaven and who knows they might get rewarded with 72 virgins just like Osama-bin-Laden. With a price of 400 Yuan for an hour to break the bitter news these agents are hit these days. Had this idea been boon in India, a chain of people would have registered themselves as the agents and more rapidly institutes like FIITJEE would be offering a 2 week condense course in this field with a fee of ` 20,000 per week. Fee would include—tuition fee, book fee and examination fee. If FIITJEE is doing it then how can Brilliant, Narayana and Pie leave themselves behind?

Screw the Skills

For years we have witnessed many milk additives. Bournvita, Complaint, Milo, Maltova, Horlicks, blah, blah and blah. We know, they make kids Taller, Stronger, Sharper and all the possible “er”. Along with great taste does such milk additives also stimulates the grasping power of brain, as promised? No, they don’t. I have tasted all and Maltova was the best though my mother asked me to settle for Bournvita.

I asked myself a question – Does my class topper use such a supplement to hold his position in class? Perhaps yes. That is the reason why I started having it. Expectations always hurt – I learned it the hard way. Even after Bournvita I didn’t top. This was preposterous. I condemned the apparent result. Then I tried Horlicks. It should have worked according to the ad. The “sharper” thingy wasn’t true. They exaggerate the sharpness by various degrees. I don’t see how it can calibrates one’s mental capabilities when now I mull on it. That is when I learned some facts— I still forget where my cap is after wearing it. I still search for my specs even when I’m wearing them. Perhaps, I should file a legal complaint against additive makers and drag them to the Consumer Welfare court, no? Also I have nothing much interesting to do these days.