Monday, July 18, 2011

Metro-ian Dissection

Have you heard about Metro, Delhi Metro? Metro is one such project that brought grandeur to the name “Delhi Metro Rail Corporation”. Now when it’s a huge success unlike Ready, it brought people closer than they actually are. Now I can land anywhere uninvited, thanks to Metro. Ease had to be compromise; enough facility doesn't sound India, right? A short run is tolerable and can be easily disremembered. Unfortunately I always get rope in an alone voyage which starts giving me melancholics’ soon as I realize the above stated fact.

Are you in this picture? Yes. Congrats, you're famous now.
Invariably irking announcement on metro stations takes my toes off the ground (Even higher than Red Bulls). The blatant announcement turns into a melodious silence when loud speakers goes malfunction. Stentorian musical tones from headphones—some highly intellectual beings have successfully de-bunked new alternatives to make their co-passengers listen Sheela Ki Jawani. Blaring isn't from no-guarantee Chinese cell phone’s extra large speaker, this time it is, maximum volume flaring out from their 3.5mm jack earphones. Suave office goers are the most admired among all. They are calm and fully humanized with a sense of idiosyncrasy. Imbecilesnaam he kaafi hai. Talkative aunties are often discovered amidst congregation of too much talkative aunties. They spare their husband and whirl someone else’s pati parameshwar. Even their Facebook profile lists it as an interest and hobby. Ranting, raving a man without his attention is not an act of bravery, but they are talkative aunties after all, aren’t they?

Dudes with uncanny hairdo can be often seen. I won’t gossip about their peculiar hair dressing sense as I myself practice this weird art of visual betrayal. No comments. Girls in uncommon clad—to me, it has started appearing that they dress in uncommon apparel; because of the growing competition between the fairer sex. Who looks better? Who will be out-standing? Winner will be rewarded with ogle, lots and lots of ogle. Boys in loose jeans or diabolic apparel-maker's scientifically termed it as low waist jeans. Everyone is okay with the chosen self destruction fashion but somehow a jolt makes it uncomfortable to bear the line below the waistline. Both the hands busy with holding pants close above to a-base line.

Low waist Jeans "Scientific Term"  with song volume little above maximum. 

GoPAiHGroup of people always in hurry. They spread their arm and stretch it to reach the gate. They reach to the gate and stand tall facing it like their business partner. *Metro has just left the station.* Their destination station is yet 4 stations away. I believe what they conceive is; their destination station might somehow acquire the power to cut through space-time boundaries and will teleport right adjacent to them. (Just a thought, not really). There are people who stand/sit up close to their neighboring passenger. I don't wish to discuss their strategic approach here, it's apparent. There is always someone with Odour Ordeal. The one who…..let us say, the one who stink like no-one else does. What exasperates me to the very extent are the spitting marks on the signboard Please Do Not Spit in Train and Station Premisesthese people are archery experts and every station is their playground. They also possess the ability of not being caught. Then there are frenetic—they are busy with strolling around the coaches and act like getting intensely intricate in the beauty of Delhi’s traffic. Those who lie are widely distributed among the above discussed various categories. Lying can be done by anyone; claiming to have reached the destination station when metro still has to cover the ground of 4-5 stations before theirs. They secretly wish if metro could just increase its speed by a little 100 m/s. Some discuss on phone so loud that all coaches can hear, “maal factory main rakhwa diyo aur paise chandu se le liyo.” 
A factory owner

Let me also introduce you to those who do nothing, nothing at all. Now how will I disassociate them? They’re tough. Aaagrrh!! Leave them. Those who sit on the floornow when males are prohibited to enter ladies compartment, in any case; people who are down and dying with such a fatigue that fray their deep posterior muscles so much that every passing station makes their legs frail, the eventual result would besitting down on the floor. Simple na? Those who यौन err... I mean "yawn". They make me gloomy, matter of fact, everyone. You are ought to feel lethargic in their aura which gives sleepless dreams. And after gulping some such toxic observations one thing which agitates the most is—still one station has left to be covered.


  1. he he he.. mast hai.. esp the Chinese phone as loud speakers wala point..:)

  2. oh my , you do have a great sense of observation, observing so many things .. I would never be able to see all these ..

    I too had one of those chinece phones at sometime and hey along with the speaker it also has a TV .. yes i am showing off BUT IT DID :)

    Having fun are we in the metro rides ..


  3. Pwahahah! I used to travel a lot in the DELHI metro while i was thr! I must tell you!!! It has made Delhi really tiny nd i love it, except the part whr you have to change line yellow line...I get confused!

    Awesome observations sire!!

  4. GOD help you with the last station, I cannot help but yawn when I have nothing to do. And 'aam taur par' horses sleep while standing, but I'll try to put that to test in a metro when I come there.
    Till then, hang in there buddy, use a nose clip, get spring boards and take all measures that won't let the jeans fall too low. :)

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  5. "maal factory main rakhwa diyo aur paise chandu se le liyo"...hahaha

    I definitely remember these kind of conversations..


  6. lol...perfect description...

  7. ROFL... great article prateek..!! However you missed mentioning boy's RED JOCKEY underwear with low-waist jeans... ;)

  8. Haha. This SO happens man! We are living in India after all. It'd be weird if we don't get to see such crowd. :D At least you must be glad that the metro project is up and running in Delhi. The project is far beyond full implementation in Bangalore and Hyderabad :(

  9. Absolute riot. This post reminds of a line...

    Taking metro is like taking a bottle of laxative: it gets the job done in no time but by the time its over you are sweating and panting as though you were tied to Usain Bolt when he was being chased by a pack of hungry hounds.

  10. Anita But that’s true, no?

    Bikram T.V was one feature which made me envious of them.

    Red It’s easy. I commute daily, which is a problem.

    Anshul Great. Giving fodder to someone else to write on me, no way.

  11. Kunal Backing me up!!

    Sub Glad you’re enjoying.

    Madhulika It’s there. See. See

    Vamsi Along with rapes capital provides some relief to its residents.

    Alka Ma’am Perfect and I see you’re a linking expert now. :p

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  13. Hah is that a reference to my blog there mentioned in the disguise of a pun? :P ok it is.
    About your post I've so less experience of commuting by trains/metro that I can't relate to all of this. But I totally experience the "maal factory mein rakhwa diyo..." phenomenon every other day on the bus as well. It's highly annoying and amusing at the same time. Sigh!

    P.S: Earlier comment deleted coz of typos.

  14. I haven't really travelled in Delhi Metro, but you have given me a really good idea as to what I can expect whenever I do travel :-) Seems like a very interesting ride

  15. Sammy What name!?! :p Buses are too clogged to observe, only hearing is handy.

    Anita Ma'am Reality is much heavier than what you read. Post may be deceptive. :D


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