An Ideal Boy

Here

Boys prejudice, a lot. Their habit to exaggerate and overrate ant size matter agitates me enough to nitpick on them. For century feminism had been seen low, male driven society is the trend. How come? Can male reproduce? NO. Then how come they rate their maleness above the femaleness? I have been advised by the blog owner to be gentle but parallel runs the veracious me. How can I be gentle when I am living in a state called Delhi, where a damsel is a frail imbecile who is been taught all the aspects of life and later burdened with tones of restrictions?

Now when I think about it, I have learned to live with it. I cannot vent my perpetual crotchety on anyone, solitude was only non-grey option available. Then I asked my friend, “Can I rant on your blog?” With an intriguing eye and not-so-usual face he answered, “Are you nuts? That’s my ranting place.” With a little threatening and boom-puff he frenetically agreed and this was how I got this space; PoV – Musings of an anonymous girl. Account of my musings would be in scarce but every time it will bring a new fervor to me. I hope you relish this feast (Metaphorically said).

Neighbor Stands Tall

Don't worry, we are here.

So you think world is weird place and cannot get weirder? Is that so? Hah! You are absolutely, wrong. See the world with an angle that is not defined on a protractor and you’ll see China (Sarcasm exclusive). World’s most populated country but not densely populated; China is like Rakhi Sawant. Whenever China feels it’ is out of news, it manages to give the world something intriguing to ponder upon. China reminds me of the time when the concept of dating was not appreciated. Someone who was found practicing blatant dating game had to face the furor. For weeks, the agitated mother watches her daughter with narrow eyes; no-no even narrower than their actual gifted narrowness (See the picture above | No racism intended.).

From early 2000, China is invariably famous for its Made in China tags carved beautifully at the bottom or back of any product but now things have changed. With a GDP of 9.5% now China has also gained much of reorganization. New trades have shown up, new job opportunities are waiting for young Chinese to grasp upon. Boyfriends and girlfriend’s seasonal trade is the latest trend in China these days. They just have to pay a small amount to change their relationship status on Facebook from being Single to In a Relationship, and of course to make their parents happy. Pay more get more real relation, that’s the deal.

“Nothing can sustain in this universe without equilibrium” – China knew it, and soon acted upon it. Can’t say it’s over? Let us help you” The isolated internet sphere of China is nowadays seizing with the ads and agents who prejudice themselves as The Breakup Expert. Killing the love has always been the cruelest act. No one wants to be in the middle of river of tears flowing through the mountains of guilt. Now when I see it, agents appear to me as noble soles souls; born to emancipate. Carrying their karma to find a place in heaven and who knows they might get rewarded with 72 virgins just like Osama-bin-Laden. With a price of 400 Yuan for an hour to break the bitter news these agents are hit these days. Had this idea been boon in India, a chain of people would have registered themselves as the agents and more rapidly institutes like FIITJEE would be offering a 2 week condense course in this field with a fee of ` 20,000 per week. Fee would include—tuition fee, book fee and examination fee. If FIITJEE is doing it then how can Brilliant, Narayana and Pie leave themselves behind?

Screw the Skills

For years we have witnessed many milk additives. Bournvita, Complaint, Milo, Maltova, Horlicks, blah, blah and blah. We know, they make kids Taller, Stronger, Sharper and all the possible “er”. Along with great taste does such milk additives also stimulates the grasping power of brain, as promised? No, they don’t. I have tasted all and Maltova was the best though my mother asked me to settle for Bournvita.

I asked myself a question – Does my class topper use such a supplement to hold his position in class? Perhaps yes. That is the reason why I started having it. Expectations always hurt – I learned it the hard way. Even after Bournvita I didn’t top. This was preposterous. I condemned the apparent result. Then I tried Horlicks. It should have worked according to the ad. The “sharper” thingy wasn’t true. They exaggerate the sharpness by various degrees. I don’t see how it can calibrates one’s mental capabilities when now I mull on it. That is when I learned some facts— I still forget where my cap is after wearing it. I still search for my specs even when I’m wearing them. Perhaps, I should file a legal complaint against additive makers and drag them to the Consumer Welfare court, no? Also I have nothing much interesting to do these days.

Fading Festive

Google Images

It was the eve of Independence Day; 15^th August. World was a beholder when world’s largest democracy cherished its 64^th year of emancipation. I was trying to rate my patriotism. Has it increased by few folds or has it decreased by few notches. I don’t fly kites anyone, has the patriotism inside me died? I don’t wear Khādī has the patriotism dried?

While rating I realized; why only Independence Day, has my interest dipped for every festival or occasion celebrated in the society? I grazed for a while and realized—it is not only me. I don’t see sky full of kites anymore. I don’t see enthusiasm in 15^th day of August anymore. Does my enthusiasm lies only in a single day of a year? Doesn’t my actions rather than flaunt works for the benefit of my nation?

|Does patriotism only means “that”? Can’t patriotism be not downgrading own country?

My teacher accused me of being driven by the western cult. The one who’s trying to get himself to a Canadian university as a professor warned me for not wearing Capri. Where is the love for India, I bet it is in Canada, no? So how am I supposed to make myself patriotic? Any idea? I can paint my face with tricolour and run around the streets, I can loudly sing Vande Mataram to show my patriotism is above all. Won’t my subtle actions help in progress my nation?

I do not stalk any tourist neither I ask them for their names out of blues. Doesn’t this makes my nation a little above than it actually was for tourists from abroad? I do not spit out venom, unnecessarily. Last time I travelled in DTC I heard intellectuals’ above 50’s overly ranting the nation. A little contribution can help but who cares? Rants are much easily availing medium.

| What I believe is – not making it worse is a part of not degrading.

I do not write on ancient monuments “♥ I love you Shreya ♥”. Monuments are tourist venue and give a great deal of moolah in Indian economy. I don’t write on them hence I do not degrade them. Doesn’t this indirectly say I’m helping my country? Perhaps, I am not economically strengthen enough to contribute in country; oh come on, I’m still a student. I see no reason to crib excessively about the ill-condition of country. Did country asked you to rape it? Excessive crime rate. Did country made you bankrupt? Betting on India-England match did. Did country made it the way it is now? Earlier it was centre of excellent monumental display and now it is all tobacco and pisses marks and smell too. Stop raving when you cannot. (FYI: Yes, this paragraph was meant to hurt.)

A Desktop Affair

In the human life of 60 years, well almost, there comes a time when he has to believe what he sees. Perhaps, what he is seeing is too enigmatic to apprehend but he cannot complain; life has to throw lemons at him according to the rules and going by the SMS he has to ask for Vodka. It is a metaphor by the way but can’t help if you have already started drooling. What if he flunk to firmly grasp the opportunity? His chance to win free Vodka will be spilled on the floor. He will see someone else relishing it—the exotic mocktail now. He gets irked more because GoI had hiked the price of all alcoholic beverages by 15-20%. This is life, sedate but full of camouflage dwelled marvelously with euphemism. It is trivial to resist the impetus; it just burns him from inside.

Life taught me a new lesson. Methodology adopted was next to bizarre. Life dwells in every single thing, literally. I was about to type down my views on the current Indian scenario on my MS Word when it refused to accept the word Suresh Kalmadi, vague of the cause I tried to write it down again but a warning message in display frown me. Any further attempt will lead to corruption in Windows. I rubbed my eyes until I was sure what I am reading is what I am really reading or what I am reading is not what I am really reading but really is. So, MS Word is Kalmadi repellent now, more like Mortein. I expected life to throw something tangy to me. *Sigh* Thinking of the dementia eased my head. Perhaps, Word is afraid of dementia. It can be communicable sometimes, no? I left the word Kalmadi and began with a new post, afresh, with a sole purpose to mock A. Raja and wow his astutely earned few lakh crores. Another warning flashed breaking me into sweat. Word refused to take A. Raja as a word too. What the hell is wrong with MS Word? Reinstalling MS Word too didn’t helped. My desktop has been infected by them and their likes. 

Crazy about a Man-mohan. Are we?

This is a guest post and is written by the one who has invariably amazed me by the way she writes and the grip she holds. Her sharp opinions dwell in her opinionated mind; crisp and perfectly chiseled. I wish I could ridicule like her, but alas! The writer at Freebird, Alka Gurha.

That sex-glamour combo is an effective tool for advertising is known. How then can the political realm remain untouched by it?
In several countries charismatic candidates, mostly male have created followers who display love and adulation for the candidate. Amber Ettinger’s ‘Obama girl’ campaign in 2008 elections was a perfect example. Amber an American actress rose to fame when she acted in a video, ‘I got a crush on Obama’ in which she professed her admiration for the then US Senator, now President.

Visibly, Putin is happy; very happy I say.

On similar lines young women declaring their love for Putin are forming a cult in Russia. Recently, Putin launched his forth-coming Presidential campaign with a video contest where young smart and beautiful girls were asked to tear something off for Putin. So what did young and beautiful girls rip off? Clothes of course! All for their leader, Vladimir Putin. “I am just crazy about a man who changed our country,” said one pretty girl.
Adulation is a natural outcome of decisive, charismatic leadership. And decisive leadership comes from decisive actions. A friend posed a legitimate question, “Will beautiful girls shed clothes for Indian politicians?”

Contest is open for all. Rip in your entries today. Hurry!

The 6 PM Slot

About the Author— 


Author of Indian origin, Naomi Datta daydreams about the perfect bollywood Rom-Com that she will make one day, plays badminton, and updates her facebook status on the hour. That’s when she’s gainfully occupied. She is otherwise a television producer, presenter and film writer. She counts Times Now, CNBC TV 18 and MTV among her employers in a decade long television carrier. She currently freelances and believes she is the best boss she had ever had. Naomi is based in Mumbai and this is her debut novel.


Review—

The 6 PM Slot by Naomi Datta

Welcome to the world of television, where nothing is ever what it appears.

It is refreshing read with a peculiar plot; back office. YTV—Youth TV, as the name suggests a youth channel is dipping with its TRP among the audience. Book opens with a boss wants to see the numbers and graphs on PPT and that too soon. Tanya is the central character; protagonist of the story.


Rahul, plans to defy the laws of show time and decides to launch a love talk show in the 6 PM Slot. His deputy, a swine man Harish questions his idea but then readily agrees. Tanya who was struggling with her carrier at YTV and was responsible for the show on celebrities pet (apparently obsessed) was given this new project of her life time.

Metro-ian Dissection

Have you heard about Metro, Delhi Metro? Metro is one such project that brought grandeur to the name “Delhi Metro Rail Corporation”. Now when it’s a huge success unlike Ready, it brought people closer than they actually are. Now I can land anywhere uninvited, thanks to Metro. Ease had to be compromise; enough facility doesn't sound India, right? A short run is tolerable and can be easily disremembered. Unfortunately I always get rope in an alone voyage which starts giving me melancholics’ soon as I realize the above stated fact.

Are you in this picture? Yes. Congrats, you're famous now.

Invariably irking announcement on metro stations takes my toes off the ground (Even higher than Red Bulls). The blatant announcement turns into a melodious silence when loud speakers goes malfunction. Stentorian musical tones from headphones—some highly intellectual beings have successfully de-bunked new alternatives to make their co-passengers listen Sheela Ki Jawani. Blaring isn't from no-guarantee Chinese cell phone’s extra large speaker, this time it is, maximum volume flaring out from their 3.5mm jack earphones. Suave office goers are the most admired among all. They are calm and fully humanized with a sense of idiosyncrasy. Imbeciles—naam he kaafi hai. Talkative aunties are often discovered amidst congregation of too much talkative aunties. They spare their husband and whirl someone else’s pati parameshwar. Even their Facebook profile lists it as an interest and hobby. Ranting, raving a man without his attention is not an act of bravery, but they are talkative aunties after all, aren’t they?

Gender Blender

Ghulam Nabi Azad. What a gutsy man, no? After Supreme Court rendered its final judgment Ghulam Nabi Azad became sentimental. Damning the Act 377 aside he delivered his own dyslectic point. Ghulam Nabi Azad; I know most of you might have not ever heard his name before this. No, no nothing to be ashamed of, it is natural not to remember any cabinet minister except quite a few.

Something which happens often is called a miracle and Ghulam Nabi sahab made it happen. His comment on homosexuality created an echoing unanimous opinion. India got united, once again after Baba Ramdev, miracle.

Image Courtney- Satish Acharya  

We definitely cannot blame Nabi sahab for calling homosexuality a disease. Why? Silly; it is because every human cannot comprehend everything, easily. Instead of blatantly ranting our honorable health minister, people should have deciphered “other” vague possibilities hyperlink to his statement. After brilliantly linking MSM (Man having sex with man) to HIV/AIDS awareness a plethora of profuse outrage of opinions on social networking soon after the comment was seen. Considering Nabi sahab’s opinion on homosexuality as an unnatural disease I am freighted the most. Another statement from health minister issuing the symptoms of homosexuality is my concern. Is it communicable viral disease which spreads by touching like most of the people think like AIDS spreads?

Medical fact—a disease never shows up immediately. It follows symptoms.

I believe Ghulam sahab is busy in creating symptoms.

Baba Ramdev with his unparallel experience also called it a yoga curable disease. 

I always wonder; do they deliberately make such a statement? Ask me, I’ll say yes. Humans are always credited as attention seekers and as far my knowledge goes “they” are humans. This is the best phase to yell out such opinionated statements since their pinning voice won’t be heard in future. No it’s not apocalypse but the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows – Part 2 and Twilight – Breaking Dawn are set to make cover page headlines for months.

They cannot enroll for Roadies and Splitsvilla, not because their morale doesn’t allow but the show requirement is beyond their reach. Hence idea dropped. Their vast knowledge is incomparable hence they cannot even take part in any quiz contest. Their modesty holds them back from displaying their sheer knowledge. Their plan to appear on television and motivate people to adopt straightness in life will come to a halt if hence being someone who could efficiently on camera is the reason what they are today to spread their message to the world of tomorrow.

Now tell me, is such an outrage justified? SMS your opinions with "Yes", "Of course" or "Hell yes" to India TV

Open Letter to a Teacher

Disclaimer: Dear reader, if "somehow" you turn out to be my teacher then by no means this letter is written by me. I copied it from the link stated in the end. 

Dear Teacher,

How have you been? I hope everything is good. Although nothing is at my end, majorly because of the project on Robotics that has to be submitted to you by this week. It is giving me sleepless nights. In case you still have not guessed, I am a second year student in your institute. I have somehow gathered some courage to write this letter to you with an anonymous name so that you cannot deduct 5 marks from my internals, again. Although I would have loved to write with my name but I cannot risk losing anymore marks.

I want to divert your assiduity on what actually pupil think. However, before that I would like to tell you that the whole college knows about your affair with Mr. Sharma, our Physics lab assistant. I hereby request you to stop hiding it, and oh BTW you both are so perfect for each other, both with pessimistic thoughts towards your own "humble" students.

Coming back to the topic, this is what I want you to know:

There are two types of teacher in this world.

1. The good ones

2. The mean ones

Nevertheless, you fall in the rarest category the cruelly mean ones. Curious, which ones are these? Ah! Rarest.

Well, we the students have zero affinity towards the methodology of your teaching and always curse the way they check the papers. You brutally deduct marks and nothing ...NOTHING not even our tears move you. We believe that you allot marks based on the class performance, which is wrong. You gave me five marks out of 30 due to low attendance, ignoring the fact that despite your brutal checking I managed to pass, somehow.